60 signs that you are an abuser

Here are some common themes that abusive men can spot in their lives, if they are willing to self-reflect. You act differently when you are alone with your wife or kids You get defensive when your spouse or kids express that they are in pain because of something you said or did You yell YouContinue reading “60 signs that you are an abuser”

Why “giving up” something doesn’t work

I have heard many users of pornography, masturbation, prostitutions, and extramarital affairs talk about “giving up” their vices. This is a dangerous mindset to have. There are reasons why this is destructive It is backward thinking It is negative thinking It is true, but it isn’t helpful It’s backward thinking True success happens in theContinue reading “Why “giving up” something doesn’t work”

How to master our sexual feelings

The mastery of sexual feelings is not about the feeling at all, it is about how we think. I hear men say something like this, “I had the urge so I gave in”, or “The feelings were so intense that I had to act out”, or “You don’t realize how strong those urges were, IContinue reading “How to master our sexual feelings”

How 12 step programs for sex addicts engender entitlement and promote abuse

I once considered myself a sex addict. I did the whole 12 step thing for years with various programs. I did the steps over and over. I did stop acting out sexually. But I am still a jerk. I still lie. I still manipulate. I still blame others for my behavior. In other words, IContinue reading “How 12 step programs for sex addicts engender entitlement and promote abuse”

The Objectification and Dehumanization of Women

Why do we do it and how do we stop? Definition of dehumanization: to take away another’s humanity mentally or physically. We do this when we look at pornography, lust, and fantasize. It can also happen when we have sex with a spouse, yell at the waiter, demand attention from a loved one, and soContinue reading “The Objectification and Dehumanization of Women”

I am a changed man

as of like 7 seconds ago “I have seen the light” “I am a different person now” “I don’t do that anymore” “Remember when I used to…” Have you said or heard someone say something like the above quotes without any real change happening? If so, read on and figure out why . I callContinue reading “I am a changed man”

Is pornography use abuse?

Pornography use cannot be consumed without dehumanizing others. Does the abuse end with those that we dehumanize or does it expand into our personal relationships? There are two questions within this question that we must address: Are we abusing those in the pornography industry, and women in general, by engaging in pornography? Are we abusingContinue reading “Is pornography use abuse?”

Lust is not the enemy, entitlement and control are

As a previous 12 stepper I know that this message will be hard for some to swallow.  I remember the relief I felt when I joined a new 12 step group and the illusive enemy that kept destroying my life was identified as lust.  I felt like I had an enemy to battle. I felt like IContinue reading “Lust is not the enemy, entitlement and control are”