2 Destructive Elements of One Day at a Time for Addicts and Abusers

A mantra for addicts and abusers who are attempting to live amends. Many addicts were introduced to this phrase upon entering a 12 step program. The addict is taught to look at sobriety one day at a time. This is comforting for the addict, but destructive for the partner. “One day at a time” mantra,Continue reading “2 Destructive Elements of One Day at a Time for Addicts and Abusers”

4 Pornography Addiction Myths

There are lots of people out there diagnosing “pornography addiction” that have no right to do it. The DSM currently has no diagnosis that meets the definition of pornography addiction, although the ICD does. The issue is that many individuals are diagnosed by their partner, clergy, or themselves. This climate makes it easy for mythsContinue reading “4 Pornography Addiction Myths”

4 Dangers of Self-Pity for Abusers and Addicts

Self-pity is the core of having a victim mentality. There are at least 4 dangers of allowing oneself to sit in self-pity. Self-pity makes you out to be the victim when you are the perpetrator Self-pity keeps you focused on yourself Self-pity keeps you from analyzing and taking steps to change Self-pity promotes the ideaContinue reading “4 Dangers of Self-Pity for Abusers and Addicts”

4 Dangers of Intermittent Reinforcement

The most dangerous motivator on the planet A term that originated with B.F Skinner, intermittent reinforcement occurs when a subject is given a reward at irregular intervals. A study done with rats has become the foundation of behavioral psychology. Rats were given a lever to press. Some rats received food every time they pressed theContinue reading “4 Dangers of Intermittent Reinforcement”

60 signs that you are an abuser

Here are some common themes that abusive men can spot in their lives, if they are willing to self-reflect. You act differently when you are alone with your wife or kids You get defensive when your spouse or kids express that they are in pain because of something you said or did You yell YouContinue reading “60 signs that you are an abuser”

Why “giving up” something doesn’t work

I have heard many users of pornography, masturbation, prostitutions, and extramarital affairs talk about “giving up” their vices. This is a dangerous mindset to have. There are reasons why this is destructive It is backward thinking It is negative thinking It is true, but it isn’t helpful It’s backward thinking True success happens in theContinue reading “Why “giving up” something doesn’t work”

How to master our sexual feelings

The mastery of sexual feelings is not about the feeling at all, it is about how we think. I hear men say something like this, “I had the urge so I gave in”, or “The feelings were so intense that I had to act out”, or “You don’t realize how strong those urges were, IContinue reading “How to master our sexual feelings”

How 12 step programs for sex addicts engender entitlement and promote abuse

I once considered myself a sex addict. I did the whole 12 step thing for years with various programs. I did the steps over and over. I did stop acting out sexually. But I am still a jerk. I still lie. I still manipulate. I still blame others for my behavior. In other words, IContinue reading “How 12 step programs for sex addicts engender entitlement and promote abuse”

The Objectification and Dehumanization of Women

Why do we do it and how do we stop? Definition of dehumanization: to take away another’s humanity mentally or physically. We do this when we look at pornography, lust, and fantasize. It can also happen when we have sex with a spouse, yell at the waiter, demand attention from a loved one, and soContinue reading “The Objectification and Dehumanization of Women”