60 signs that you are an abuser

Here are some common themes that abusive men can spot in their lives, if they are willing to self-reflect.

  • You act differently when you are alone with your wife or kids
  • You get defensive when your spouse or kids express that they are in pain because of something you said or did
  • You yell
  • You guilt trip your wife into sex
  • You always seem to be the victim
  • You punch walls
  • You do not allow your spouse and kids the privacy they are entitled to
  • Your wife comes to you with a concern and by the end of the conversation it is about YOUR FEELINGS
  • You end conversations because of your “shame”
  • Your children are afraid of you
  • You “lose your temper”
  • You engage in pornography, masturbation, or other sexually inappropriate behaviors (or have engaged in without a full discloser)
  • You lie
  • You manipulate others (even if you think it is for their own good)
  • You deny things that you did or said
  • You dismiss the opinion of your spouse
  • You hide financial transactions
  • You control others
  • You check your wife’s phone and or email
  • You use “spiritual impressions” to justify your behavior or control the actions of others
  • You lack empathy for your wife and/or kids
  • You physically harm others (includes poking, grabbing, pushing, and repeated “accidental” harm through neglect)
  • You ignore your wife when you are upset
  • When you don’t get what you want you mope
  • You put your wants above the needs of your family
  • You say you are changing despite continuing to engage in harmful behaviors
  • You are told that you do or say something that is harmful and continue to do it
  • Your family is unsure of how you many respond to certain situations because your response changes rapidly
  • You believe or act like you deserve sex when you want it
  • Your kids seem to be in dangerous situations when you are alone with them
  • Your expect your desires to be met when you get home from work
  • You “forget” to do the things your wife and kids have asked you to do (play with them, tell stories, put your stuff away, etc.) (yet you remember the the stats from your favorite sports team)
  • You do not keep your promises
  • You flirt with women when you are committed to a partner
  • You justify neglecting your duties due to work, church involvement, or anything else that is LESS important that your family
  • You consistently oppose the opinions of your partner
  • You are sarcastic
  • You demean, devalue, or belittle others
  • You objectify or dehumanize others
  • You refuse to work or seriously look for a job
  • You continue relationships with previous sexual partners
  • You regularly tell your spouse that she doesn’t understand you
  • You splurge on yourself when there isn’t enough money for essentials at home
  • You are possessive of people
  • You remind your family often that you are the breadwinner
  • You hold your family to a standard that you do not hold yourself to
  • You say harmful things about your partner to others (even in jest)
  • You accuse others without cause
  • You do not allow your kids to be kids (rambunctious, loud at times, disobedient, get out of bed, etc.)
  • You shame others
  • Your partner doesn’t share her opinion anymore
  • Your kids don’t want to go places with you without their mother
  • You have ever been told you are like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
  • You swear at others
  • You use information you know about someone to control them
  • You share personal information about your spouse or children without their express permission
  • You break things that belong to others
  • You do not respect the agency of others
  • You steal

Are you wondering if you are an abuser? If you have done even 1 of the things listed on here you do not need to wonder anymore. You have abused someone.

If you have abused someone and you have a sincere desire to change schedule your free session here.

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